I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
