Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
