my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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