the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
