May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
