508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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