Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
