It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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