I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
