She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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