i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
