Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
