My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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