brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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