why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
