i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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