I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
