YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
