I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
