if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
