I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
honey bunches of taint.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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