Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
