Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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