Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
