god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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