So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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