just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
