dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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