I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
