you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
