I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
