Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
