HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
