I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
