i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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