I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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