Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
