That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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