I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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