Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Randomize