I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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