you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
