return my video game
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
