I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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