So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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