I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
