So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
