I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
