dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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