I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize