If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
